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Never Knows Best

by O' God the White Whale

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1.
The cry went out, “We’re crashing!” as your head went through the window and I’ll never know, I’m waiting by my phone. You knew there was ice on the roads. He had one more. You’re drinking in the backseat and the pilot’s had some shots. Passed out on the overpass, I’ve been calling you for hours. Broken glass, broken bones. Tonight will be the first and last time you ever see your insides. Broken glass, broken bones. End your life. Wrapped around machinery. Even if your car didn’t crash you’d have found some way to disappoint me. You’ve left me a broken hearted loser and I’m better off alone than I ever was with you. You got your wish, you’ll be eighteen forever. I wanna see you dead, cause I’ll never believe it.
2.
I came down from my tower and found no world I could live in and I can go back up with no repercussions. But I can never forget that I was born from death and my plenty comes from pain. They ended before I began and this is a war that they can never win. Crying for the food you don’t eat, making the clothes you never wore and you never have to know it. Oh, privileged youth it’s raining out but you sit dry inside you room. A room with no windows. Hidden hands keeping you aloft, conveniently invisible. Ignore it, it doesn’t effect you. Denial brings comfort. Take off your fucking blindfolds. The birds will die to feed to worms like us.
3.
Stagnant tides entreat the skies, an air too thin to breathe. I want to have this moment again and I know I will but when? As the trees turn to ash, the siren’s song beckons the end, beckons the end. Scorched earth, desiccate sea. My hopes fall, one by one. And I saw the stars following the clouds. Breaking through the grey, a call from the arcane bellows: “Purge the final stone of breath.” Monoliths crumble under the mist of death. The flame which coils underneath, a sight which eyes deceive. Black dawn, sinking hearts. Persistence breeds ignorance. A supple branch, a timid root reveal the life coursing underneath. And from the clouds overhead, vessels of immortality. Illuminate the path, patterns found in between. And as the sun sets, a wave of hope washes over me. Thus the sun sets, staring at me.
4.
When was the last time I felt your presence around mine? Where have you been? Have you ever been here? Kiss my dragonfly, love me like you used to, You’ve lost your fruit and your promises. Leaving me with your leaflessness. How can you convince yourself that you’re not at fault here? I shouldn’t have clung to your branches and told myself that this would work it never has and it never could. Just say you don’t love me anymore, end it with a clean cut. I know you hate me, there’s nothing I can do about that. “People should live their lives for themselves,” that’s what you always said. So, you lived your life and got what you wanted, you ruined mine. And I can’t believe after fourteen years, you still don’t recognize me. Open your eyes, be here with me for fucking once. Can’t you see your wife has made herself beautiful just for you? (Can't you see she's been waiting for you all this time?) I’m sick of saying sorry, I love you, you say it this time. Names move past our window, your train leaves at nine and I’m not enough to miss it.
5.
Oh no, the end of summer without you.
6.
Can’t you remember running up the library steps with shorts on, vagrant cats fighting in the weeds? The sleepy August dawn? I used to see these colors on butterflies now I only see them on storefronts. Why’d I open my eyes to see you leave when I could have kept them closed? Now every night, the girl that left walking away. She’s walking away. The sun keeps getting dimmer, reflected in that low water. I’ve turned on the lamp again, hoping that you’ll see it but you’re never coming back. You’re never coming back. I’ll climb these dying trees, noose around my neck and as the leaves fall, so do I. (Never) She wrote it on her cigarette (knows best.) The night above the riverbed. (Never) She told me she liked me. (knows best.) more than day old bread. (I am) She wrote it on her cigarette (nowhere.) The night that she finally left. (I am) She’s haunting my autumn. (nowhere.) I’m as good as dead. I am nowhere.

credits

released June 29, 2012

Chloe Keenan - Vocals
Travis Hall - Guitar, Vocals, Production
Carl Schissler - Drums, Production
James Brennan - Bass
Max Berry - Guitar, Vocals, Melodica

Special thanks to:
Michael Rozier - Guest Vocals on Fourteen Years

Cover image copyright 2012 Kimberly Gormley

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O' God the White Whale Carrboro, North Carolina

Emotional hardcore from Carrboro, NC. Sad songs for cats and sometimes people.

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